Wednesday, April 27th, 2005

Part-time Job..

Lately, I have thought of what I can do from now on.

It seems to me that I must do something while staying in my hometown. Sometimes I feel envious seeing people go to work or school every morning. To me, job always looks dull and poor in changing. But Now I feel like begining something new to fulfill myself. Well, although I DO have started helping housework and flowering, such stuffs I am capable of doing, I still can't help feeling empty when I am alone.

I am alwaying hoping to do something. But I may not do it in practice. It's not the time yet.
Actually, I am to go to hospital again after Golden Week. I'd better have a talk with Dr. M about my plan to start part-time job. It may sound ridiculous because my total purpose staying here is all for my rehabilitation. I'm supposed to stay at home all day and take easy. People here are worried about me, so my thought would strike them a lot with dismay. I don't want to see that..

Well, I'm worried too much. Our efforts would never down the drain. I won't make it either!!Cheer up. Keep on thinking positive!!

Shakespear's The WInter's Tale

Hey. Have somebody read Shaspear's The Winter's Tale?
I read somebody's essay about this masterpiece of Shakespear. It compared Autolycus with " the Subtle Shift", claiming they are similar in many points as the vice. What do you think of it?
I haven't read them yet, so i have no idea about that.
Somebody who know it would please tell me??

Shopping in the mall

I wanted to blog what I did yesterday last night, but I gave up and decided to write it today because it is not good at my health to work too late. Sometimes, I have always wanted to finish one thing in one day, but now I know, it's more important to take it easy. Overwork would tell on our health!

Well, yesterday, I was really busy around. Watering the flowers in the garden at morning, going shopping with my mom at night. This is a life I may have longed for in my heart since I had been hospitalized. Simple, but sort of to my heart's content.One thing was different yesterday is we ( my mom and I) WALkED back to our home after finishing shopping. Usually, we would DRIVE to somewhere, but this time, we walked for exercise. I know it was all for my rehabilitation. Of course I was pleased at Ran's suggestion because I don't want to miss any chance to recover as soon as possible.

Okayama is a good place for people to live and relax because it is not as crowding as urban, Tokyo. Most of people here are easy going and kind. I was able to enjoy seeing high school students pedal their bicycles on their way home from school. In Tokyo, it is hardly to see because our most common transportation is train or subway. It doesn't seem to me that students would ride to their school. At least, I hadn't had a chance to have a look at this or more properly speaking, I DIDN'T bother myself to see this. I had been too busy with myself to notice them when in Tokyo. It is irreversible fact that I would have lost my heart because I had always been busy with my campus life and club. I had thought I would soon get used to it and both of schoolwork and club would be compatible since I had started to get my own place in Tokyo. But now I know I was totally wrong. I wasn't that strong as I had believed. This time, i got illness, and undoubtly, I DID lose my parents' faith on me. I have let them down so much. I am totally sorry for them and I think i have to take responsibility to them. What I have to do from now on?? Well, needless to say, learning to cook by myself and whole housework la! I never want to break the hearts of people I love again because of my selfish and childish. I would try my best to prove that I have learned so much from this lesson.So, please believe me, that I love you so much.

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

Hollywood Actress appeared in my garden!?

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

Well, she is NOT an actress or so on. This woman is Ran, my mom. I was helping her out planting the flowers into plots and all she did was get fresh soil and fertilize the Bonsai I just had cultivated.

Bonsai♪

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

At 5, I was called down to cultivate dwarf trees. The flowers were bought by Ran and I the day before yesterday and today we were to plant these colorful flowers into plots. I haven't done gardening for ages so I was able to enjoy planting these flowers. It seemed so joyful to me though the job itself took time and tired me a lot. However, it is worth because soon we will be able to see BEAUTIFUL BONSAI decorated in our garden!!I CAN'T WAIT it!!>0<

Wednesday, April 20th, 2005

Distinction...

Today, I and Ran drove to Okadai hospital to have a check at 1:30pm.
The weather was rainy but that didn't influence our high tension at all. We are going to see Dr. H today! We haven't seen him for 20 days since my day out of hospital. It was exciting and full of expectation.

One thing out of our anticipation was that both of us forgot it was also a day I must take a blood sample!! I haven't had any preparation for that so I was nervous when being reminded of that by a receptionist. Fortunately, I didn't feel much pain because it got succuss at only one time. Because before when they got failed, I had to suffer horror wondering when on earth they would find my blood vessel properly. :-)

Although it took some time due to several mistakes, it was okay for me at all. I have already got used to it. Being awaited make no difference to me. Today we have another really important job. To go and see Dr. H!! Hence, I and Ran went to the ward as soon as things finished. Dr. H looked thinner than we had expected. He was working with his head down on the staff station so hard as not to notice I and Ran was standing in front of him. He seemed a little alarmed when he saw us. But shortly he gave us a comfortable smile and begain to explain some datas of blood test for us. I was greatly happy to see him but at the same time, I felt a little disappointed because we were unable to talk to each other as long as before we did when I had been hospitalized. Other staffs were looking and he had to work hard. He couldn't spare that much time to chat with us and that was the truth both Ran and I know exactly though we are SO HAPPY to see each other. I would like to see him outside of hospital but there seems we don't have that chance so far. He is a doctor, and I, one day have to leave for Tokyo to restart my campus life. Nothing should happen to us though we think of each other so much. I even don't know his phone number though I had dare passed him mine. Actually, I don't know about him at all. His age, life style, and anything private. I must have been a dreamer, wondering someday we would have a talk in a cafeteria. I thought we had a good time in the hospital, but once it passed, we owned nothing in our hands. All the things seemed so unrealistic for me. A long long happy dream..What I ought to do from now on is say goodbye to it and PRACTICE myself! Be more thoughtful and nice enough to get a man I love's heart. Ganbare!!!

Monday, April 18th, 2005

A Blessing in Disguise

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

These days, I have always had something to do. Although I spend my time almost at my own home while others attend to their college, stangely I don't feel I am that lonely or dull at all. Enjoy my time seems to be an incentive for me to keep a good mind status.

Yesterday, I had my mom drive me to the station to see a friend I didn't see for a long time. Strictly speaking, the people I had an appointment with was my teacher rather than just one of my friends. He used to be my private tutor when I first came to Japan. He is a graduate student at Okayama University in current. We havn't met each other for approximately one year. But it didn't take much time to recognize one another. He looks younger in spite of his age. Ran convinced me that was because the man always look younger than their real age when I mentioned that.

Getting on the car, we reached at a surpermarket. Mr.K ( his name) walked directly to drink corner and bought some of them for me. He told me that I should take a lot of liquid because it is good for my kidney. I was surprised and moved by his thoughtful attention. His house doesn't change a lot except one thing that he comes to keep a pet, a dog really take to people easily. We talked about my disease and what I must be doing afterward. One word was truely impressive. In short, I should think positively and just be happy everyday. It is definitely correct cuz I have experienced too much while being hospitalized, I have learned how to be myself and thank to eveyday given to me. For me, this disease is a blessing in disguise for that I was given a chance to think my life again and what is really important to me.

What I am doing at home alone is reading and surfing sites on net. One thing different is what books I am reading are in Chinese. Honestly I didn't read any Chinese writen books for ages so when one of my friends recommended those books to me, I felt a little confused and reluctant. However, despite of my low expectation, I found I was enchanted with every sentence writen in vivid Chinese. I can have sympathy with every word and feel what author's would feel. It's some feelings I can't have when I read them in Japanese. This moment, I realize I have missed my mother tongue so much. It's a great deep impression when I encountered some touchable stories and words. Some that help you out a lot. I think I ought to get back something important that I have lost and missed.

Chinese Cuisine and music

While I finished blogging and was about to say hello to a friend online, I heard my name called by my mom. She told me to get prepare to get on her car. It was 7 o'clock, dinner time. So I asked where we were going. The answer back was Cui Yuan, a Chinese cuisine restaurant.

We haven't come all a way to eat Chinese food so I was wondering what taste it would be. You know what, as Japanese are proud of deliciousness of Sushi, Chinese are also particular about their nation's food outside their country. The waitress is a Chinese girl who speak fluent Japanese. Even the main customers are Chinese. It's such an interesting sight for me to see a Chinese man shout at the kitchen advising a cooker to add vinegar in a particular dish. And the waitress was just giggling at that man complaining. These are the most common and natural scenes you could see in any restaurant in China. And that remind me of most of dear memories when I was a child. It's undeniable it is China where I spent my childhood, I can't help feeling close to any Chinese who living in Japan. I don't care where part they are from, or who they are.

As to the music, I have got a CD also sung in Chinese. Most of them are hip pop and love song. Unlike J Pop, Chinese lyrics are repeated time by time. That make you feel it was like Enka, simple but easy to remember. I can put myself into the songs and feel them. It makes me comfortable although whatever quality and variety, J pop is all over China's. But I still feel like most movable songs are those sung in my native language. Easy remeber and easy to sing either.

My Walking Course

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

This is a path near to my hourse. Green trees in two sideway, and

resident here enjoy their walking through this path. Once upon a time, I

used to walk my dog called maru. But since Maru's death one year ago,

the time I put my feet on it was inevitably in decline. This time I come

back to this place, I feel constantly comfortable and nostalgic.

Friday, April 15th, 2005

Sunshine! The weather today was perfect! And no worse than today's weather, I feel GREAT either! One of the happiest day today in my life!

Spring has completely come in Okayama. The sunshine is warm everyday and that makes me like to have a walk. There is always a path for people having a jogging or walking their dogs. The trees are getting green and flowers blossomed in various colors. I like the air of Okayama very much because here you could breathe fresh air very much and that relax you a lot. Here has no unnecessary troubles bothered you, no crowds of working people getting off the trains. Here all we have is nature, green, and warm-hearted people. Here is nearly an Utopia for me except for one thing. That is,, there are few YOUNG guys and girls all around!! All I can peer through from my veranda is elder or little children walking! Why? Well, that's quite simple cuz the guys as old as me are all going to the college or their work place la!!! HAHAHAHA!! Fantastic!

Um,, calm down. Let's go on to the main subject.
This afternoon, 11:30am ,we went to the hospital to see Dr. M as we did on last Friday. Having been told to take a blood sample within an hour before the appointment time 13:00, we arrived at the hospital eariler than last time. This time, five test tubes were taken. Amazingly I found that I got accustomed to blood taking enough to have a straight look at my blood being taken and flouring into the test tubes. No more queasy feelings I have. See I have become at least a little braver, ha. Finally blood test come out to prove my condition is getting better and better that even my doctor couldn't hide his surprisement. It seems I don't have to be hospitalized to have another treatment any longer. That relieve me and my family too much!! I am nearly as healthy as ordinary people!!! Joyful! Ran's dietary cure is getting succuss! Thank you, Ran!

Since we have enough time later, I was allowed to see my old friends in the ward. Today I was luck enough to see Dr. F! He is tall and really easy going.Sometimes it is dubious to me he is a
doctor! He is so FRIENDLY and easy talking person, just like a young boy. In fact he IS young enough la~~Why I said he is friendly because no sooner than I passed my result papers to him that he told me that he would call Dr. H to announce this happy news. His patient is doing well because of your devotion. I love all the staff in this ward! They are so000 kind. I don't want to be their patient again, but I would like to go closer to them if possible. That's one of my ambitions actually.

Tuesday, April 13th, 2005

Last night, Ran rode out to take developed pictures back to home in a windy and rainy weather.
She forgot having promised me to have my films developed, so when I asked her for those pictures, she groaned, " so..sorry, see what I have done! Wait, I will go out to take them back right now!" It was already close to 7pm, so I said " no, that's okay. It's fine you forgot that, we can take them tomorrow!" trying to stop her cuz outside was really chilly cold! But it's my mother's character, she insists on going out by herself then ran out. All I could do was just standing and wandering around the room.

A few minutes passed, Ran returned and threw a pack of developed films over me. I was quite appreciatily and thanked to her. Then I opened the pack happily seeing my memory jumping in front of as such colorful pictures! Those pictures were taken when I was in Tokyo and most of them are some with my friends in dormitory and club. The young and beautiful girls are in my pictures. Innocent smile, funny faces and archery are all so fulll of reality in front of me.There are no more distant now, I can feel truely I was once a member of them and loved my life in Tokyo. Although there was never all happy things but also some more frustration, trouble and depression. However, those minus emotions dispersed at sudden in seeing those lovely smile and innocent girls. At least, there is one fact is I did have a good and precious happy time with my friends while in Tokyo. That was definitely hopeful to me now.

So far, I and my mother are concerned about the demonstration erupted in major China cities during last weekend. It was ridiculous because this demo chances are against Japan. Watching Chinese crowds shouting out and throwing stones to Japanese embassy in China and some Japanese institutions, all Ran and me could do is dumefounded. Why can't our people act in more proper way to express their protest against this country!? How come they want to make things complicated? Violation can solve nothing, Japanese government would only think Chinese are such a rousy and rowdy nation. No good for sino-Japanese relation! What made my queesy is this demo was ignited and spreaded out by millions of netizens inChina, those people are literally dull. They catch this "Big Chance" then going to mess things up in a name of patriotism! A funny pastime! Everything is just chaotic and mass media in Japan is willing to broadcast such violating scencs again and again. So UGLY!! See China's main media even don't bother to refer to this demo. And all china's govenment said is a proper measure should be taken by Japan toward history problems and bid to permanent member of UN security concil. Yeah, that's cool right. Because Japan government ought to face up to the history, being responsible to all asian counties counterparts. But China should also be more..justic.

Sunday, April 10th, 2005

the summary

I haven't been blogging for several days. The main reason for that is I have been busy with registering curriculum. Since my determination of having long rest within the first term, I have been always bothered with contemplating what course I ought to take in an attempt to achieve bottom 50 credits. So even though I am at home, I always have something to do with my PC.

So far, having almost finished all the registration, I decided to make my time for a while. I mean some entertainment like looking websites I want to visit and doing something I really like. Here, I want to sum up what happened to me during these days.

This Friday, it was the day I had an appointment with Dr. M at 1pm. It was my first time to
go to hospital as an outpatient. I was a sort of nervous while awaiting him. A few minutes passed 1am, at last it came my turn. I knocked the door and entered hearing " Come in". We haven't seen each other for a week since my petie discharge. At first, Dr. M showed us a result of blood test I took last Thursday while being hospitalized. It came out "almost" everything recovers well except of one suspicious virus, some problem with my lymphocyte Dr. H was quite worried when referring it to me before. The tone Dr. M spoke to us was keeping cool and so official. As status up, people seem to have some change in his attitude. I admire and respect Dr. H because he is really easy talking and warm-hearted. I can feel it. That day, I was dressing up looking forward to see Dr. H only to find out he was out on business. I should have known Friday and Saturday are his day out for another place, but I still can't hide my disappointment. Is being a patient an only way to meet her doctor!? That's awesome because I don't want to be a patient any longer. Really troublesome....

Yesterday, I went to drive with my mom designing to go see cherry blossom in the park. After a long drive, we couldn't reach the destination because we missed our way(^-^;) As a replacement, Ran and I went to video shop and watching rental video after coming back home. ShaoLin Soccer was funny. It told us not only comedy but also a courage to chase your dream!

Anyway, I am kind of sentimental these days. Too many things I ought to think and too many problems I have to cope with,,, Kyudo,credits, and friendship..something I have neglected for long time.

Cherry Blossom☆彡

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

cat

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

Monday, April 4th, 2005

News in the World

There were exactly many things happened today.

First, surfing the internet, the headline of Pope John Paul Ⅱ dead at84 was first jumping up in front of me. I have heard he was in coma just the day before yesterday, so I was quite surprised to hear he passed away so soon!! It's a bitter news for all Catholic prayers in the world.

It didn't occur to me that "Blog" has taken Japan by storm untill I found this word in every site, like Yahoo and Hotmail. I tried reading the so-called "most being read" blogs realizing what make them so attractive to so many people. They seem to have same points in common. First at all, the bloggers always write in really witty way. What I found interesting is they depicted every talks, making like a dialogue. At the moment, I always wondered how could they remember every words they had in conversation! Second, its topic is full of entertainment. The bloggers deal the topics peole are concerned about. They take up some topics that eveybody knows and is interested in. They didn't bother to exposing themselves to us. For example, a housewife blogger would dare to tell us her family construction and every most natural family drama.
Last, and the most determining element, is the name of their blogs are quite unique. We tend to turn our attention to something unique or outstanding. The name of it always decides everything. I read the blogs because they have funny title, as Nikuman woman and etc. :0) Some titles that are not that tame and formal make me feel easy to close.

Well, turn to another page.

Today, my cousin Yukun came to my home. I haven't seen him for a while and he was getting taller thatn I had imagined. As a high grade elementary students, he is kind of taller boy. Is it beause of his club activity, valleyball? He plays well and has to jump really high. But, that doesn't matter. After all, he is always a little boy to me~~♪ He helped my mom clean the study room of me all a day. Wonder what I was doing when they are busywith walking around putting things aside? I was fixing my eyes on the screen of my note PC!! Don't blame me for not helping them. I did OFFER, but tragedly, I was REFUSED as soon as I just opened my mouth by Ran for fear of getting infection. Oh, my god. This beautiful woman is worried TOO MUCH LA!!! I cAn no longer bear that!!Gosh!

♡Sunday, April 3rd, 2005♡

Getting used to the life in the hospital, I keep a rule to go to bed at 10pm and awake myself at 8 am even after I come back to my home.

However, only this morning, when I waked up looking around and was surprised to find it was half past 10 already! For a little while, i can't believe my eyes because I went to bed quite early last night. How come I would sleep so deeply and get up so late!!?? It's so soon for me to get back my real life. My anxiety about the later life seems not that difficult as I was worried before.

Unlike yesterday, I was allowed to go shopping with my mom. We drove to our usual boutique and enjoyed selective buying. It is long time no buying new clothes so we buy a lot of pretty clothes. I can see the clerk was smiling counting. Ran ( the name of my mom) frowned moaning money has flied~:-) That's no help cuz shopping is just like that~~♬ 30.000Yen for shopping and 8,000 Yen for Yakiniku a day, all that on my mom's treat! That's quite pain if I was on her shoes!! Unbelievable amount la~~~!! \(IoI)/ No wonder she is quite shocked when noticing the new clothes we wear are done by strong smell of smoke of Yakiniku!! Grinning.

What is different completely from before is the way my parents treat me. They seem too worried about my health as to pay attention to any movement of me. Especially Ran, getting to know my physical strength is not like before at least in current situation, extensively care about the whole thing around me too much. For example, my dad is chance to get cough, so he is prohibited to come too near to me. Wow, he is so pitty though that partly owes to me. Hahaha. But well, as a daughter, I feel anxious not little if dad won't get too cold at night because he is told to sleep at another bed away from us alone. All I can do is hope pollen season go away la~~(T-T) Just take care, people.

New term is started. Students are getting busy and active again. Wish you have a happy new term and don't work TOO HARD!! Something trouble you would be everywhere, but you guys just be yourself~~!! Make your time♩--Sincere wish from my♡ heart♡

Friday, April 1st, 2005

Spring has come!!! It is the season of encounter and farewell.

April's started. New nurse has come and old nurse would go to another place. It is Deai and Wakare. Whatever, we just go go go!!! Never look back or lost yourself in memories.

Right now, I am watching TV with my parents on Tatami. It might be certain for all of people, but for me, it is so PRECIOUS! I will cherish this moment with my parents. Six months holiday could be long, but it is a GOOD CHANCE for me to filial piety. Since I went to Tokyo, the time with my parents is getting shorter and shorter. Especially this time, i was getting this too sudden disease, it is no doubt my parents especially my mom would hope strongly and want me to stay at hometown and have a rest untill my health condition is stable. Um, it's..reasonable because I have neglected them so long and it comes time I should do something for my parents and also, myself. I made it in my mind firmly when I saw my mom dropped her tear saying goodbye to the nurses and doctors. I was shocked to see that scence because I know she is the last person to express her real emotion in front of people, even of her family. See she was EXTREMELY exhasuted and happy I left the hospital. It is the moment I reconfirm I was treasured a lot by her although the moment I was a little confused..and complicated..

Why I say my feeling is complicated, because i was made to rethink of my life. Any mindless minus word about my health like " my period finish so soon, is it because of the medicine I drink? I suspect it would last long..." would hurt people who care about my health.
No matter it is so mindless, I think i have to pay attention to my words. I would try..from now on.(^_^;)　I don't want to make people I love sad any more.

★Friends in the hospital★

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

Obachan in the same room♥

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Originally uploaded by mikifu.

These two photos qre the one with people I got along with in the hospital.

The little young girl in black is Yoko and the Obachan is my roommate. I took these pictures today before I leave the hospital.

As to Yoko, I got to know her just before a week. She was hospitalized just for a really short time. So today is the day both she and me left the hospital. It is a coincident, isn't it? Although we don't live together so long, but it makes no difficulty we became friends. You see she so small, but you won't even realize she is as old as me! We are both 19 years old! It might be impolite to say that when I first see her, i thought she was no more than a elementary school student because she looks so YOUNG!! But after I have a talk with her, I find she is much bigger than what she looks like! She is stronger than me in thought, mind status. From her, I learned how to think positively whenever what happening will occur to you.

Speaking of Obachan, she is a really sociable person. So I feel no trouble talking to her. What I remember clearly is at the night that Japan vs Bahrain soccer match that we fixed eyes on TV hurrahing " Great" when we saw Japan team finally made a historic point kicking ball into the gate! There is no age barrier between she and me.

Because of them, I was able to relax myself and have a good time. Nobody wants to be sick or even hospitalized, but making friends is also good way for your comfortable(?) hospital life.